Substance Overuse Isn’t a Lack of Control—It’s a Lack of Connection
- Julia Hess, LADC, LPCC
- May 16
- 4 min read
Updated: May 16
Most people think recovery starts with willpower or surrender—but at Planting Seeds Recovery, we believe it begins with connection.
Planting Seeds Recovery started as a pipe dream back in 2017, when I officially stepped away from the “treatment center world.” I was burnt out and disheartened. The revolving door of clients, the rigid documentation protocols, the repetitive curriculum, and—most painfully—the lack of depth in relationships left me feeling deeply unfulfilled.
I remember sitting in daily staff meetings, coffee in hand, trading “problem area” assignments for clients who were only on Day 2 of their stay—long before we had any meaningful connection with them. The system was efficient, predictable, and allowed us to pull readings and assignments from the proverbial filing cabinet. But it was clear to me: something essential was missing. Something big.
Back then, addiction recovery treatment centers were beginning to market themselves with words like “individualized,” “holistic,” and “trauma-informed.” But in practice, these buzzwords didn’t show up in the daily routines. They missed the most foundational truth: people turn to substances because of unmet relational needs. At the core, it’s about insecure attachment—the inability to get our needs met through safe, supportive connection.
Clients didn’t need more homework. They needed someone to see them.
At Planting Seeds Recovery, we do things differently. We use terms like substance overuse, recurrence of use, and data points, instead of labels like addiction, alcoholic, or chronic relapser. This shift is intentional—we’re working to reduce the stigma around substance use by staying grounded in compassion and clarity.
Our philosophy is simple— people turn to substances because they’re trying to survive without connection. And we know humans are hardwired for belonging. And the most consistent thread among those who come to us is this— they feel alone.
Connection is woven into everything we do, from the very first call or email, to joining
group, to our daily communication and scheduling tools, to the cultivation of long-term, meaningful relationships. We center our work on the principles of secure attachment so clients can reach out for support at any point in their journey, not just during a crisis.
At Planting Seeds Recovery, we see substance overuse as a connection problem.
People tend to overuse substances when:
They struggle to identify and communicate what they’re feeling.
They act out emotions in ways that hurt others and they don’t understand why.
They fear relying on others during emotional distress, becoming overly self-reliant.
They can’t consistently depend on others for safety, reassurance, or comfort.
They carry fears of scarcity—of love, time, money, sex, or connection.
They have a history of abandonment, abuse, or neglect—especially in childhood—which makes relationships feel unsafe.
They feel unsure of their identity or worth, especially in social settings.
They’re overwhelmed by emotional and physical experiences without tools for understanding or change.
They feel unseen in relationships but lack the skills to express it.
They constantly prioritize others’ needs over their own.
They believe their internal experience is broken or fundamentally different from others—and they’ve never had a safe space to explore that.
They overperform to appear successful and "normal," using achievement as a defense against emotional closeness.
When shame takes hold, it deepens the cycle of disconnection, from ourselves and from others. We isolate, we hide, we push people away, reinforcing our sense of unworthiness. But shame thrives in secrecy. Healing begins when we allow ourselves to be seen and accepted.
Every one of our therapists believes deeply that substance overuse is rooted in insecure attachment.
We work as a team and carefully attune to the unique needs of each client and their loved ones throughout the recovery process. We understand that healing is rarely linear, and we’re skilled at leaning in during the moments that matter most.
Often, the first call we receive is from a spouse or parent, someone who loves the person struggling and is seeking guidance. We value being able to support the entire relational system, because we believe true healing happens in the context of connection. When a client begins to turn toward trusted humans to meet their needs, the grip of substance overuse begins to loosen.
Planting Seeds Recovery is a place where people learn how to connect in new, life-changing ways by understanding their behavioral patterns, identifying emotional needs, and improving communication in relationships.
Working with a therapist who understands substance overuse through this attachment lens of recovery means you don’t have to defend or explain yourself. You’re met with curiosity, not judgment. And as the work unfolds, it’s like someone turning on the lights in a dim room—what once felt confusing or painful begins to make sense.
Planting Seeds Recovery is centered around the unique needs of each client. We offer individual, couples, family, and specialized process groups, crafting fresh, relevant content each week tailored to the members in the room. Our ultimate goal is to reduce shame and deepen connection, helping you build a recovery that’s both sustainable and rooted in authentic relationships. When you reach a place where you feel fully seen and truly understood, the ripple effects extend far beyond yourself— changing your life and everyone in it. And these ripple effects are what get me out of bed in morning.
We can’t wait to meet you.
If you want to explore what your change might look like, reach out and we can connect for a 15-minute discovery call.
Don’t put this important thing to the back burner, we’ve got you.
Find out more about Planting Seeds Recovery -- www.plantingseedsrecovery.com
Julia would love to hear from you! Reach out at julia@plantingseedsrecovery.com.
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