The Relational Impact of Substance Overuse on couples
- Lauren Adsem, LADC, MHP
- Jun 17
- 6 min read
Updated: Jun 18
Turning Survival Into Healing — The Power of Group Therapy for Partners of people struggling with Overuse
When Charlie’s partner began struggling with alcohol overuse, the relationship quietly started to change. He began shouldering more of the emotional load at home, managing the finances, covering for missed family events, and avoiding difficult conversations that never seemed to go anywhere. Living with someone who was only intermittently emotionally available changed the way that Charlie lived.
It wasn’t unfamiliar- Charlie was eerily reminded of the household dynamics from his childhood. His father’s emotional state was similarly unpredictable due to a routine involving happy hour after work. Interestingly, this dynamic was one Charlie hoped to avoid but once his partner started to overuse alcohol as a primary coping strategy, he found himself falling into a pattern of emotional accommodation without realizing it. Charlie spent a lot of time “scanning the room”—looking for changing moods, tones, body language, and energy levels to determine how to show up or manage possible conflict around his partner.
Even after Charlie’s partner pursued sobriety, the patterns remained. He still found himself hesitant to share feelings, bracing for disappointment, and quietly building resentment. Charlie’s partner, now abstinent, would comment that things felt strained—why hadn’t abstinence brought relief and reconnection?
At Planting Seeds Recovery, we see this often. It’s the relational impact of substance overuse—the way partners adapt in order to survive, only to find that those survival strategies become barriers to thriving.
Introducing: Partners in Recovery Group
Partners in Recovery Group is an 8-week therapist-led process group created specifically for those in relationship with someone navigating substance use or recovery. It's a space for partners like Charlie to move out of isolation and into a supportive community where their experience is not only seen—but deeply validated. This group helps you unpack how much you’ve carried, how deeply you’ve adapted, and what healing could look like going forward.
Group themes include:
Emotional over-functioning and the quiet toll of resentment
Communication patterns shaped by unpredictability
Boundaries vs. control (and why “enabling” misses the mark)
Grieving the relationship you lost—or never got to have
Reclaiming your voice and identity after shrinking down to stay safe
Exploring what tandem recovery looks like and why it matters
Who Is This Group For?
This group is for partners impacted by a loved one’s substance use—whether that person is still using, newly sober, or have years into recovery. You don’t need to be in crisis, and your loved one doesn’t need to be in long-term recovery for this group to offer value.
You may benefit if you:
Walk on eggshells to avoid setting off your partner
Carry more emotional or logistical responsibility than feels fair
Struggle to express your needs without triggering conflict
Feel resentful or disconnected—even after your partner stops using
Have lost sight of who you are in the midst of it all
Want clarity, healing, and a space where your voice matters
Whether you’re seeking to heal your relationship, reclaim your identity, or simply make sense of what you’ve lived through—Partners in Recovery Group offers a path forward.
How Is This Different from
Al-Anon?
Al-Anon is a respected peer-led program rooted in the 12 steps, offering support through detachment, boundaries, and spiritual growth.
Partners in Recovery Group, while complementary, is very different. It is a therapist-facilitated process group focused on deep emotional and relational healing. We go beyond coping to explore how years of unpredictability have shaped your patterns, identity, and needs.
A side-by-side comparison
Feature | Al-Anon | Partners in Recovery |
Format | Peer-led, 12-step model | Therapist-facilitated process group |
Focus | Boundaries, detachment, spiritual growth | Emotional healing, relational repair, trauma-informed care |
Approach | Structured sharing with minimal feedback | Guided exploration, shared insight, and deep processing |
Tone | Supportive community | Reflective and emotionally attuned process work |
Many find value in both spaces at different points in their journey. If you’re ready to explore the why behind your patterns and begin actively healing, Partners in Recovery Group may be your next step.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Could my growth negatively impact my partner’s recovery?
A: This is a very common concern. “What if my needs are too much?” “If I put too much pressure on my partner by asking for change, will they relapse or push me away more?” “They are not drinking, but I need more connection. Am I expecting too much too soon?”
At Planting Seeds Recovery, we know these fears well and we also know that staying small or walking on eggshells is not helpful for anyone in a relationship.
Your needs and wellbeing are just as important as your loved one. We are especially skilled at creating a space to explore patterns of relating and building deeper understanding for the ways we cope when substance overuse has been in our relationships. We may suggest an impromptu couples’ session, or a referral to another provider depending on area of concern. We are well versed in resources that can provide the wrap around support that many family systems need to heal.
Q: Will I have to share personal stories? Is it confidential?
A: Confidentiality in a group setting is very important at Planting Seeds Recovery. We set group norms around privacy and safety in the first session. We keep the groups small to decrease exposure. You’ll be invited to share at your comfort level. Vulnerability looks different for everyone—and we honor that need.
Q: Is the group focused on supporting our loved one’s recovery or our own healing?
A: While the two are intricately woven, this group centers your healing. Many loved ones in recovery have many spaces and opportunities for support, while their partners are left isolated in uncertainty. This group is your space to examine your experience, needs, and growth alongside the ongoing recovery journey of your loved one.
Q: What if there’s a history of infidelity or betrayal?
A: Betrayal takes many forms, and it is often steeped in shame. This group creates space for exploration of these painful experiences because we believe that having space to share and relate to others can decrease our shame exponentially. We also recognize that some trust injuries require individualized care. We can explore those needs in your initial session and determine the best path.
Q: I’m a parent concerned about my child’s substance use—can I join?
A: While many similar themes arise in parent/child relationships, this group is specifically designed for intimate partners and the unique dynamics they experience. Nevertheless, we encourage you to reach out and express your interest. We are continuously developing new process groups that are tailored to our client’s specific needs. In the meantime, individual therapy can be a helpful way to explore your experience, build coping skills, and prepare for deeper relational work. Please contact us to explore these options and stay informed about future offerings.
Q: How do I enroll?
A: Start with a consultation with Lauren, the group facilitator, to explore your needs and determine best fit. If you decide to move forward with signing up for group, you'll complete an individual intake session before the group begins. The group runs for eight weeks, and we can discuss therapeutic needs as the group commences.
Your partner isn’t the only one who deserves recovery. Healing is a shared process—and it starts with you. Join us and discover a place where you can breathe a bit deeper and feel grounded in your life again. Try out the group experience.
To get started
Email Lauren to connect and learn more -- Lauren@plantingseedsrecovery.com
For more information about Planting Seeds Recovery -- www.plantingseedsrecovery.com
Lauren Adsem joined the addiction recovery world over a decade ago. In those years she's developed a keen sense of how substance overuse impacts people's lives as well as the life of those around them. She believes strongly in healing the system as a whole—providing therapy for individuals, couples and families.
Lauren is a true guide in the therapy room. She is especially skilled at helping people explore relationship disconnection and dissatisfaction, questioning of a chosen life path as well as overt mental health symptoms. She believes that when people address the root causes of this disconnection and dissatisfaction in life, they find substance overuse naturally loses its appeal. Lauren is mindful to follow her clients’ lead while providing reality-based feedback as a way to help them move toward their best life.
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